Joseph Gordon-Levitt Goes Gaga

Here's a video of JGL signing Bad Romance. I thought I would love it, but I kind of hate it.

This will make it better:



Wait, what's the chain for?



Nice underwear.



Bow tie!



Huh?



Much better.

Double Hotness

So adorable, so versatile, very enjoyable

Live Blogging Gossip Girl

Okay - when did Chuck lose the limp and cane?

Really Dan? Really, you can't believe the baby's not yours? You are stupider than...someone who is REALLY stupid. God.

And Rufus, you just told your son that his baby's not his - and you ditch him for Chuck Bass? Wait, that's a good call Ruf. Dan's a fucking moron.

What's with Chuck's gf? She's not a great actress and she's not stereotypically pretty? Is she an international celebrity in real life?

Eva to Chuck: "You're used to all these things, the cars and clothes and spa...and roof?" Was Eva homeless?

Oh snap! Eric's dropping the date rape bomb!!! And calling Rufus "Rufus", not "dad"

3 Men and a Baby was a FICTIONAL movie Vanessa.

Man, Serena really can't stand not to be in the spotlight for one minute.

"I'm truly sorry" - that doesn't erase near statutory rape.

Ha! Double snap on Juliette - who do you think you're messing with? Dorota's in the house. I like how Lily siddled in on this shit.

Bye Baby Milo - you were the worst plot idea ever.

For a dirty hippie, Vanessa sure has a ton of clothes.

"It's a prayer rug"??? - as if Vanessa's mom would subscribe to any religion

Best ending line ever: "Trouble's moving in, and it's looking to make the Upper East Side its bitch. xoxo Gossip Girl."

Most Tanned Celebrities

Before Seasonal Affective Disorder sets in as the days grow shorter, let's take a moment to appreciate the graying skies. If we lived in a country of perpetual sun, we could end up like these orange faced celebs.



Giorgio Armani in a delightful burnt sienna



Rival designer Valentino rocking the ginge face



Classic tan man George Hamilton loving life



Janice Dickinson looking scary for a number of reasons



Barf. Someone forgot his Ed Hardy sunglasses on in the sun



Gah!!!! Tara Reid. Enough said.

Music to My Ears: Sound of Music Reunion!

Stop the press! I just found out that Captain Georg von Trapp and governess Maria will be having a reunion on Oprah! Jezebel.com reports that on October 29 the cast will unite after 45 years. I only hope that shit face Rolf won't be attending.

I know I have a tendency to sometimes blur fantasy and reality, but there are some big time weirdos on the internet that have taken the whole Maria-Georg love affair into another stratosphere. See below for some uncomfortable montages:

Not Funny Segway Tale

This story was printed in Yahoo today:

LONDON (AFP) - The British owner of the firm that makes the Segway scooter died after riding one of the futuristic two-wheeled machines over a cliff and into a river, police said Monday.

The body of millionaire Jimi Heselden, 62, was discovered in the River Wharfe near his home in the town of Boston Spa in northern England on Sunday, said a spokeswoman for West Yorkshire Police.

"A Segway-style vehicle was recovered from the scene," the spokeswoman told AFP, adding that police were called to the scene after reports of a man "apparently having fallen from the cliffs above".

"The incident is not believed to be suspicious," she added.

Heselden led a British team which bought US-based Segway Inc. in December last year and now manufactures and distributes the distinctive self-balancing vehicles.

The Segway was introduced in 2002 amid great fanfare as a means of revolutionising urban transportation. They use gyroscopes, computers and electric motors to cruise to 12 miles per hour.

A former coal miner who left school at 15, Heselden made his fortune with the Hesco Bastion firm, which developed the "Hesco" blast walls that are widely used in Afghanistan and Iraq.

"It is with great sadness that we have to confirm that Jimi Heselden has died in a tragic accident near his home in West Yorkshire," Hesco Bastion said in a statement, without giving further details.

His death came a week after he became one of Britain's top philanthropists, giving 10 million pounds to a charity and taking his lifetime donations to 23 million pounds, it said.

Right in the Kisser - Amazing Race Blooper

Amazing Race 17 premiered tonight. Nothing else matters except watching the scene where Claire, the home shopping host gets a watermelon to the face. Her race partner, Brook, is a total bitch who had no sympathy for the fact that Claire took a giant fruit to the face.

Oh, I also love Team Andy Bernard, the two ivy league a capella singers. Here's a clip of the watermelon disaster:

missed connections featuring scott speedman

you: ben from felicity. me: red tights with a where's waldo toque and neon green shorts and rainbow socks and a bright yellow tee shirt (i dressed like a stop light for a charity run). you: headphone-d and on a mission walking through queen's park. me: agog at your (stout) hotness. our eyes locked. then you looked away (quickly). why did you escape so quickly? where were you going? coffee date with felicity? confrontation with fat noel? avoiding the pink power ranger? where did you go my lovely?

Is Danza this hard up for cash?

"Teach: Tony Danza" is an A&E show, premiering Friday at 10 pm, where Danza co-instructs a 10th Grade English class at Northeast High School in Philadelphia. For real.

Why in God's name is Danza teaching high school? And why does he look like a shriveled up grape who's about to go on life support?

This is a real far cry from that hunky Tony Micelli we all hold dear to our hearts. Please don't tarnish our sweet memories of you vacuuming window drapes without a shirt on!

I can't want for pronunciation classes: "Angel-er", "Mon-er", "Samant-a", "Jona-tin"

SNL returns tonight

In celebration - and to counter all the haters - I have posted some of the funniest clips from recent SNL sketches:

Reba - SNL Digital Short from Niela Jay on Vimeo.

Lindsay Lohan Out of Jail, In Fabulous Sunglasses

I LOVE these sunglasses.



Check out this weirdo:

Andre Leon Talley - Big, Bold and Beautiful

I was recently in Japan and I couldn't find a pair of pants over size 27. You know who could have helped me? Andre "mumu" Leon Talley, the large editor-at-large of Vogue. Who knows how big this guy is? Size 57? Anyhoo, he certainly does not let size stop him from looking fabulous. Actually, every time I see him, I think of the episode of The Simpsons where Homer intentionally gains weight to go on worker's comp:



With fellow mumu-lover Whoopi Goldberg.



Um, judicial robes? Or maybe garbage bag?



About time for afternoon snack. That size XXXXXXXL leather jacket doesn't fill itself.



Peta's head must be exploding over this gem made of an entire mink colony. Are those velour pants? Hey, go comfortable or go home. (But I imagine it must be very sweaty in there).



A more casual look. He really loves those pants.



Very regal.

Friday Morning Survival: Boats 'n Hos

Fridays are awesome, but you still have to get through the work day. To make that task a little more pleasurable, please enjoy the vocal harmony of Prestige Worldwide's inaugural video, Boats 'n Hos, as featured in the movie Stepbrothers.

30 Rock Season Premiere

Season 5 of 30 Rock premiered tonight. My thoughts? Meh. It was pretty good, but not ha ha funny. I blame Tina Fey's skinniness. Seriously, her waist is the size of her head. Which is fine, whatever, BUT it makes all the Kathy-esque food jokes lame. I eat the food she eats on the show; consequently, I can only wear elasticized pants.

Oh, here's a picture of 30 Rock star Alec Baldwin with a dog riding a miniature horse. No filthy little pigs in this pic.

Senor Chang = Best Character on Television

Thursday night television is back, with the season premieres of Community and 30 Rock airing tonight. (Although NBC better get its act together and start airing Parks & Rec). Community started off pretty strong - with a high quotient of Senor Chang, the (to quote wikipedia) "unbalanced Spanish instructor".

Someone has generously complied the best of "El Tigre" for your viewing pleasure:



As for Jeff Winger (Joel McHale) - why in God's name doesn't the hairdresser of Community cut off his weird mullety back part of his hair?

Stay Away from Lourdes, Momsen!!

Taylor Momsen scares me! She looks like children of the corn + Marilyn Manson. Why would Madonna allow Lourdes to hang out with her? I feel very protective over Lourdes - I have been waiting years to find out if she becomes a Britney/Mischa/Lindsay-style teen fuck up or not. Where the hell is Rufus in all of this? I want him to bring his 100% wool cottage country sweater and wrap Little J. up and send her to reform school.



Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!

Joaquin Phoenix - Where's My Apology?

So, Joaquin says his crazy antics were all a hoax. I don't buy it. I just think he's an asshole and he was going crazy after being totally in love with Reese. Even if it was a ruse, he's still an asshole. It's like when I find out that reality TV is fake all the time. It makes me angry that I watched sub-par television. Which I suppose, is PARTIALLY my fault for watching reality TV.

If you care, here's the latest clip of Joaquin blabbing bullshit on Letterman:

no one likes you, little j.

"live" blogging gossip girl episode deux

WARNING: i like to freeball blog. you've been warned.

oh lils! b pushing s in the fountain warms the cockles of everyone's heart.

worst quote of the night (so far): "the life of serena van der woodsen is like the most complicated jane austen novel ever." don't besmirch jane austen, slut.

thumbs up - nate archibald is looking good with less bieber-bangs.

"life coach?" more like sex coach.

mother of the year: lily bass, obvs. don't bother flying to identify the body of your step-son, send your trampy harlot daughter in elton john's blazer.

chuck bass looking sexy in vest and cane - hot buster keaton alert!

chuck bass parles francais et assiste un vieux homme - je t'aime!

dan v. nate: duel of the pastel plaid shirts - who wins?

best exit line ever: "if you'll excuse me, i have a ball to attend".

dan v. nate duel ends in a draw - bros before hos (ie. serena).

rufus the geneticist!

muscle woman

I just read about this woman today. She's a muscle builder from Jordan who, despite all the death threats and ridiculing from her family and others in Jordan, decided to quite her UN job and become a body-builder.

For one, I think that's commendable and all that stuff about women doing what they want, but I don't equate body-building with woman's liberation. But maybe I'm missing the point.

Secondly, the body builder, Farah, said she wanted to pursue her sport to show arab girls that they can do whatever they want. While yes, that is true, I have a few issues with that. One: Farah comes from a privileged Jordanian family, meaning, she was given the luxury many other arab girls don't have to try whatever she wanted, thinking in a 'western' way. Two: Body-building is a sport that supports horrible eating habits and OCD training habits all for the sake of looking a certain way.

But, deep down inside, I still think it's pretty cool that an arab lady has shed her clothes to show curves and muscles.

Mr. Darcy to Ease You into the New Week

Monday mornings stink. Mr. Darcy, on the other hand, is charming, sophisticated and one fine piece of man meat. Two of the finest clips from the BBC mini-series Pride and Prejudice.


1. Mr. Darcy diving into the lake at Pemberly Estate. Why aren't his white underclothes see-through after he gets them wet?



2. The heart melting moment when you can TELL Mr. Darcy is completely in love with Elizabeth (somewhere around the 4.5-7 minute mark, but all 9 minutes are gems):

Hamm-er Time

Here's a mini gallery of the many (beautiful) faces of Jon Hamm:



In a hat!



Concerned! Maybe there's a baby that needs to be saved!



Yikes! Pobody's Nerfect.



Although, he's pretty damn close.



Fighting crime!



Sad and gambling!



Hmm...looking a little too David Schwimmer-y...



Adorable!!!

Coronation Street Hotties: Week 1

Meet Eddie Windass. Hot factors: balding, red curls, semi-employed, thief, faking disability

Bosscocked Just Because

Gossip Girl Premiere

GOSSIP GIRL, originally uploaded by netman..

Check out this awesome recap:

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2010/09/gossip_girl_recap_8.html?imw=Y&f=most-viewed-24h5

Bachelor Pad Finale - Tidal River of Barf

day ninety two | kiptyn from the bachelorette, originally uploaded by Photos by Hula.

Ugh, I cannot believe how many precious hours of my life were wasted watching this garbage. Actually, I can. I watch terrible TV, including my new find, Obese & Pregnant.

Here is a list of why this finale was the worst:

- Dave, who was a 'no means yes' type of guy on Gillian's season of the Bachelorette, won! And he was somewhat popular! He has total crazy eyes.

-Dumb-dumb Natalie also won!

-Wes (who was pure evil in Gillian's season) has turned into a likable guy. How did everyone forget his scheming ways so soon? AND - what was probably the worst thing all evening - they let him sing again. ANNNND the cast knew the words to his songs!!!

-Gia, who I used to like, turned out to be a Wes-loving moron

-Deep-V spandex onesies on Dave and Kovacs. Kiptyn kept it classy in a tux.

-Did you see the disconnect in colour between Krisily's orange face and her neck?

BUT, there were also some highlights:

-Dave planting a wet kiss on host Chris Harrison

-Not hearing Tenley squeal of happiness

-Crazy Michelle. Speaking of whom, here is a video in which Michelle made Tenley cry:

Chuck Bass' Furry Deep-V Returns to Your TV Monday

Chuck Bass en 'Gossip Girl' visita Sidney, originally uploaded by El Comercio Digital.

In honour of the return of everyone's favourite attempted-child-rapist-turned-sweetheart, we have compiled some of the greatest Chuck Bass-isms:

"What we're entitled to is a house in the Hamptons. Maybe a prescription drug problem. But happiness does not seem to be on the menu so smoke up and seal the deal with Blair because you're also entitled to tap that ass."

"If you're referring to the fact I'm not in Thailand smoking hash with prostitutes, change is good."

"A little Thanksgiving proclamation. You two ever play grab-ass in my elevator again, and Serena will be staying at an airport Marriott. Happy holidays."

"Dude. I'm Chuck Bass. Even Europeans must know what that means."

"Poor Daniel...so little time, so many sluts to defend..."

"Do you really think I want to spend my weekend watching women with tramp stamps work out their daddy issues? It's for Nate."

"I'm Chuck Bass. And I told you I love you. You're saying I'm easier to win over than a bunch of pseudo-intellectual homesick malcontents. You really insult me like that? ... The next time you forget you're Blair Waldorf, remember I'm Chuck Bass. And I love you."

"Let me be more succinct. You held a certain fascination...when you were beautiful, delicate, and untouched. Now...now you're like the Arabian my father used to own. Rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore, and I can't see why anyone else would."

"[In reply to Blair's comment that NYU is hell] What do you expect from a place where men wear sandals?"

"I had to create a monster if I was going to dethrone a queen."

"I'm bored. And you've ruined my pants."

Nadal advances to final, Federer Out. Who Would You Rather?

Rafael Nadal, The Most Aggressive Tennis Player, originally uploaded by ashleyashhh.

Nadal is all guns. He says nuts to tradition by forgoing sleeves. But the wedgie-picking OCD thing is a bit of a turn off.

Federer, on the other hand, is pure class. He's been through the long hair faze of his life and grown into his current sexy 'do.

Roger Federer, originally uploaded by Ashraf Khunduqji.

However, there is photographic evidence of his bad hair past:

Fake Celebrities

Meatloaf Celebrity Impersonator, originally uploaded by Chicago's BEST Look-alikes! (630)279-5088.

Did some film festival stalking yesterday in Toronto. I *think* I saw Jon Hamm. That said, I also thought I saw Sarah Jessica Parker. After stalking SJP for the better part of an hour, she turned out to be a celebrity imposter. There are TONS of these weirdo attention-seekers flaunting their non-celebrity selves all over the city. The get totally dolled up with salon hair/fancy wigs, and wear crazy clothes to draw the eye's attention.

P.S. This photo is of a Meatloaf impersonator.

TIFF CELEB SITINGS!

I heard a rumour that James Franco was spotted near the Drake Hotel last night. I hope he was dressed in this dazzling number.

In other James Franco news, the actor reveals to The Advocate that he's not gay and that he's not a stoner.