Happy Chistmas-owe'en!

Happy Halloween!

It's my favourite holiday of the year! If you don't have a costume idea yet, here are some celebrities to inspire you:



Janet Jackson as...um, the Count of Monte Cristo?



Will Ferrell and Tina Fey. Again, not sure who they are supposed to be.



David Arquette and a friend as Elvis. This will DEFINITELY win Courteney Cox back.



Apparently Leonardo DiCaprio is under there. Why does a baboon need 10 cigars?



Heather Graham, not wearing much of a costume.

Tuesday Night Pick Me Up: Mr Winkle

This dog could bring world peace. I wish Kristen Bell would stop hogging the camera.

北極狗, originally uploaded by hellowamm.

It's MR. WINKLE!!!, originally uploaded by Jillian Pipkin.

From Justin to Bieber

So, Justin Bieber has a movie coming out. About his life. And they are making it sound like he battled against all odds.

What they should really make is a bio about his stage mom who turned a mini-Ellen Degeneres into a golden ticket.

Check out the official trailer here:

The reason why I make taller people walk ahead of me

http://theoatmeal.com/blog/cobwebs

Nature violating my face. That's what I call it when I get cobweb all over the face. The only other worst thing is getting bird poop in the hair.

Election Day in Toronto - Why Don't We Have The Rent is Too Damn High Party Here?

Jimmy McMillan is running in the New York gubernatorial election on his "the rent is too damn high platform." If only I could vote for Jimmy today, because, you know what? The rent IS too damn high.

Jon Hamm's Sausage is Free Range

Breaking "news" from the National Enquirer!! Apparently Jon Hamm doesn't like to wear underwear!!!!!!! What's more explosive? His co-workers apparently want him to cover up. That's how I know this story's a fake. No one in their right mind would ask Don Draper to PUT ON underwear.

The National Enquirer reports as follows:

"KEEP your junk in your trunk and stop going commando!" That's what the cast and crew of the Emmy-winning series Mad Men are saying about star JON HAMM's bizarre "no underwear" rule!

Hamm, who's notorious for skipping skivvies, even has bloggers going nuts over
his not-suitable for- work attire, an insider told The ENQUIRER.

"Jon refuses to wear underwear and there have been so many close calls on the set that someone finally had
to tell him to secure his goods," a source confided.

"During filming, his character has had to wear some very short shorts, and that's when everyone's especially on edge. Some of the actresses and crew members wouldn't mind a sneak peek, but the majority of the cast and crew don't want Jon to accidentally expose himself."

Hamm - who plays brooding ad man Don Draper on the hit AMC series - is "getting a kick out
of all the fuss," says the source.

"Jon thinks it's hilarious."

In other Jon Hamm-related news, he will be hosting SNL next week with Rihanna as the musical guest.

Sports for Girls!

I actually love sports. But I don't care about baseball until the World Series finals, if at all. If Pat Borders came out of retirement, and Kelly Gruber Pantened his luscious locks, I might watch again. Until then, I am YouTubing alternate sports content:

(1) Fat guy bike blooper:



Jared's friends are mean. But so am I because I've watched this video about 10 times in a row.

(2) Tommy Lasorda getting hit by a ball:



He's old, so I shouldn't laugh. But he's fat, so it's funny.

(3) Baseball manager goes nuts:



(4) Pony tail man jumps for football:



Not great quality, but you can sort of see his ponytail sailing through the air.


(5) Football players losing pants:



And here's one from the WWE:

High Five Worthy

Have you done something high five worthy today? What are you waiting for?!

Parkour Dog

There may be no unicorns in the Don Valley... but in The Ukraine they have parkour dogs!

Down by the School Yard

Violence on the playground never gets the girl.

And, because children lip syncing is almost always awesome... here's an oldie but a goodie:

UPDATE: Unicorns Still Remain Mythical, Video a Cruel Hoax, Weirdos Everywhere Disillusioned

Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!! Millions of people who wear medieval clothes recreationally are refilling their prescriptions of Prozac after news broke that the Toronto unicorn was a hoax!

According to an Australian newspaper:

FOOTAGE of a unicorn running though a wood has been exposed as an elaborate hoax to promote an upcoming science exhibition.

In order to commemorate the mystical beast, please enjoy this clip from the '80s hit, The Last Unicorn:



And here's a clip of people LARPing in Montreal:

UNICORN SIGHTING!!!

Unicorn Licking the Rainbow, originally uploaded by Lissie_Loo.

Some weirdos believe they have captured a photo of the mystical unicorn:

According to the UK Sun:

INCREDIBLE footage apparently shows a UNICORN prancing through woods.

A group of intrepid myth hunters supposedly spotted the magical beast — but there's more to this fairytale than meets the eye.

In an official statement, the Ontario Science Centre, in Toronto, Canada, claimed to have been sent the footage by a mamber of the public for analysis.

But they later admitted making it themselves to promote an upcoming exhibition on mythical creatures.

The statement said: "The Science Centre is reviewing the footage frame-by-frame to determine whether the claim is legitimate.

"With closer examination, we hope to establish whether or not a genuine unicorn sighting has occurred.

"In the meantime, the Science Centre is asking the public to use caution if they think they see a unicorn - do not make any sudden movements or attempt to use flash photography.

"Although legends of unicorns state they are peaceful creatures, scientists worry they may harm themselves or others if they end up on a road or highway."

During the elaborate ruse, the centre even went as far as to set up an emergency unicorn hotline for the public for further information on unicorns or to report any unusual or questionable sightings.

Centre spokesman Christine Crosbie said: "We've received calls from all kinds of people, predominantly women, and some confused news reporters, in response to the video.

"The reactions have been amazing — women wish it were true.

"Although some keen-eyed spectators have reported knowing the video was fake by the way the unicorn's tail moves and the fact it is not pure white.

"It's still alive in our culture even though we don't have any proof scientifically."

Here's the video, judge for yourself:

Jon Hamm has Michael Jackson Disease, Remains Perfect

The following article was published by the Toronto Sun:

The stress of shooting Mad Men has landed the period drama's star Jon Hamm with a nasty case of vitiligo.

The actor's hands have become discoloured in places thanks to the skin disease and he puts it down to the long hours he spends fretting about his character Don Draper on the show.

He tells Rolling Stone magazine, "You do have to be mentally acute for a significant period of time, and that becomes pretty draining.

"I have vitiligo. It's stress-oriented. It comes and goes and waxes and wanes. This did not exist before the show."

Whatevs. Here's a clip of someone filming their TV, starring Hamm playing baseball.

i wonder if rob ford also kicks children in the face

self-explanatory and awesome:

Slow...

Ever have a week that felt like it just crawled along? I mean really crawled... like kitten on a tortoise's back slow...

Danza: an insult to the teaching profession!

I recently told a good friend of mine who is a teacher about Danza's reality show where he teaches high school English and my friend felt professionally insulted. I sort of shrugged off her response until seeing this clip. Now, I also find what Danza's doing to be not only career suicide but kind of offensive to the teaching profession.

In this interview, Danza says that there is a real problem with education in this country. Well yes Danza, if they are hiring YOU as a teacher there is most definitely a SERIOUS problem in America's education system!



I love how Danza is an ENGLISH teacher and then very eloquently tells the camera, "you know you think you know so much and then you find out YOU DUNNO NOTHIN"

I did love to see him cry though and would have given my right arm to see one of his cabaret productions in the school auditorium!

here's another link to more of Danza's tears:

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:4Fuzc2u-GdIJ:www.thedailybeast.com/video/item/tony-danza-english-teacher+jon+stewart+danza&cd=2&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=au&client=firefox-a

Shoppin' Danza!

I was having a pretty boring Wednesday night so I decided to click on Danza's website: dailydanza.com, and whadya know, his website has a shopping page!

Danza is not only selling his world famous cook book, "Don't fill up on the antipasto" but also his own CD! Everyone, get your credit cards out, this opportunity can NOT be missed!




Check out this clip promoting the book! Danza pulls out all the stops to sucker people into a sale: he exploits his son, grandson, got his hair straightened, and even rocks out on a ukulele!

(Not so) Live Blogging Gossip Girl

-Glad to see Serena is covering her hooters for class. But why is she taking a cab, when clearly she can afford a personal driver?

-ha ha! size 8 - I love that guy

-why does the prison guy have a picture of Nate in his pocket? Is he seriously on the Gossip Girl website in prison, printing in colour and then cutting out pics? Maybe he smuggled it into prison in his anus (sorry!)

-maybe Dan's chest fur should be checked for crabs

-Do professors really text students these days? I don't think so (said in Kevin McCalister voice)

-Vanessa why are you being so dumb? You're competing with Nate for dumb-dumbness

-Powerful career woman? You are corrupting yourself for a date Professor Idiot (I'm tired)

-Blaming Vanessa over conniving Juliet? Argh! Did they all forget her evil ways from LAST WEEK.

-I love the Blair vs Chuck wars, but Chuck seems a little too vigilante - he slept with his 15 year old step-sister who he previously tried to rape - that's a little bit worse than scaring off Frenchie

Celebrities with Moobs

In case you haven't heard, moobs=man boobs. The word moobs is an incredible addition to the English language, unlike 'jeggings'. Here are some celebs that could use a manssiere:

(1) Jack Black



Not too high on the moobage meter, but he's at least an A-cup

(2) Jorge Garcia



Now that Lost is over, will Hurley shed weight and deflate his man cans?

(3) James Caan



Who knew he was so skanky showing off his man-nips?

(4)Ronnie from Jersey Shore



Ronnie's moobs are more muscular than the others on the list, but they are massive!

(5) Simon Cowell



Always with the tight v-necks, and consequently, always with the moobs

(6) Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons



Check out the Bro/Man clip from Seinfeld:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZJ8Jxt9qrM&NR=1

People Whose Hair I Have an Insatiable Need to Cut

I honestly can't even look at these people without wanting to chop off their ridiculous coifs.

(1) Justin "the Bieb" Bieber



Where does it come from? It's like the world's biggest comb over.

(2) Chad Rogers from Million Dollar Listing



Chad is the original Bieber head. He is totally OCD about his stupid haircut and he's a huge d-bag.

(3) Russell Brand



Russell Brand has one of the most annoying heads ever. He dresses 'rock and roll' the same way rich kids from my high school dressed like hippies. He has somehow managed to only accept acting roles where his stupid hair gets to stay as is. The sad part is that he could have a hot face. Ok, that picture above is from 2006. He has since ditched the hand-in-an-electric-socket look for more of a 90s bridesmaid style:



(4) Nicolas Cage



I don't want to cut his hair as much as I want him to grow some goddamn sideburns!!! You look like Don Mattingly in the Simpsons softball episode:

Duchnovy=not so sexy...

I'd like to say that I'm open to most shows. Generally I try to avoid time in front of the tv because I know my weaknesses from summers spent home as a child; I'll devour every moment in front of it. So I work hard now to avoid it at all costs, unless a show comes highly suggested to me.

This has been the case with David Duchnovy's return to TV in Californication. Here he plays a street smart, sexy writer living the good and easy life in L.A. His problem? Women and girls will do just about anything to get some ass from him.

My issue: his ring. He wears a gay-man ring on his pointing finger. Why???? Everything else could be going for him. Sexy California tousled hair, sarcasm, kind of a cute smile, all the things that he's known for being sexy about, but why the ring? Just to be fair, I think a ring on that finger is generally unflattering on anyone, regardless of sex, though some people do pull it off nicely; and by some I mean all of two people I know.

Here's a clip that someone painstakingly put together about Duchnovy. I'm itching to point the finger at a certain someone who has a David Duchnovy face-mask in the house, but I'm not too sure. In any case, by 0:15, the ring finger is out. Ewww

US woman pretended to be boy to date teen girl!

A woman by the name of Patricia Dye in butfuck USA (Franklin, Ohio) disguised herself as a 16 year old boy to lure young girls into her wrath of craziness! The woman has been charged as a sex offender and is going to jail.

Obviously what this woman did was totally wrong, but maybe she was just trying to mix things up in boringsville Ohio:
the land of no drag shows, no gays....just good ole' fashioned Christian fun.

A Great Idea I Wish I Had Myself

D'ya know what's awesome? Peanut butter! D'ya know what's the opposite of awesome? Getting the last bit of peanut butter out of the jar.

Unless you live with someone who doesn't know how to properly screw on a lid, then this is hands down the best invention since sliced bread slathered with peanut better.

Via skforlee

Controversial Glee Post: GLEE STINKS

Did you see tonight's Glee episode about religion? Me too. But it's the last Glee episode I'm ever going to watch (unless they do an episode of Michael Buble covers). I felt like I just had a big dose of Christianity shoved down my throat, even though they were probably trying to be diverse. This show went from making fun of high school stereotypes to being the cheesiest stereotypical show on television. Oh, and while I'm on the subject, Lea Michele (or whatever her name is - too lazy to google it) should eat a fucking sandwich.

Cheek implants upstaging Don Draper!

I know this is possibly the most boring clip of Jon Hamm ever, but I am still shocked that my gaze has shifted from Jon Hamm's mesmerizing beauty onto his partner, Jennifer Westfeldt's 'plastic-surgery-gone-wrong' face!

Jennifer, I know Don Draper can pretty much have any woman on the planet, but there's no reason to employ this "Alvin and the Chipmunk" motif for his attention!




What happened to the down to earth neurotic Jewish woman (who briefly became a lesbian) we all loved in "Kissing Jessica Stein"?

Live Blogging Gossip Girl: Dr. Ruf in Da House

-Humphrey and Dumpty!!! Ha!

-Ooh who's Ivan? A butler? (Spoiler alert: Ivan turns out to be a dumb-dumb and terrible butler, handing over precious documents to Blair)

-Directed by Andrew McCarthy? As in Blaine? (Nice swipe transitions, a-hole) (oh and the tacky red hotel lighting)

-bacon scones!

-wtf - why is everyone a spy this episode? Boo-urns for gossip girls do spykids 3. I take it back, it's called "social espionage".

-Nate in purple pants - first he does all Chuck's girls, now he's in Chuck's pants.

-Does Dumpty have a cold? What's with the smoker's voice?

-At least Serena's red dress doesn't have cut outs where boobs and crotch are supposed to be

-Nate looks great in a suit. Day time ball for the rich.

-Chuck's passport photo is incredible.

I Love David Sedaris

And apparently the feeling is mutual. At a signing of his new book yesterday, "Dave" wrote in my book that he was so happy that I am alive. This, of course, was based on nothing. Or was it? Maybe he could tell that we were meant to be great friends, just like I think every time I read his books. I picture us laughing together at coffee shops, making fun of people as they pass or exchanging stories of the bizarre occurrences in our lives, "Dave, you think that snake you found is weird, let me tell you about the squirrel bones I saw...". Stuff like that. Odds are, however, that's what he writes for everyone.

Daily Danza Disaster!!!

This latest Danza update is both horrifying and sad. Cover your children's eyes and ears because someone needs to be censored from this shame and humiliation that IS Danza.

What is this low budget shit that Danza is involved in and how the hell did he write a cook book? Also, is he drunk while filming this? Furthermore, please god tell me that crappy apartment is not where Danza lives?

Let's turn this clip into a drinking game, where you take a shot every time Danza says, "Antipasto"

ps: That antipasto plate looks like a pile of vomit, not a good promo for his "cook book"!

I am Mean But this Makes Me Smile

This is an oldy but a goody: