Thursday, September 30, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Okay - when did Chuck lose the limp and cane?
Really Dan? Really, you can't believe the baby's not yours? You are stupider than...someone who is REALLY stupid. God.
And Rufus, you just told your son that his baby's not his - and you ditch him for Chuck Bass? Wait, that's a good call Ruf. Dan's a fucking moron.
What's with Chuck's gf? She's not a great actress and she's not stereotypically pretty? Is she an international celebrity in real life?
Eva to Chuck: "You're used to all these things, the cars and clothes and spa...and roof?" Was Eva homeless?
Oh snap! Eric's dropping the date rape bomb!!! And calling Rufus "Rufus", not "dad"
3 Men and a Baby was a FICTIONAL movie Vanessa.
Man, Serena really can't stand not to be in the spotlight for one minute.
"I'm truly sorry" - that doesn't erase near statutory rape.
Ha! Double snap on Juliette - who do you think you're messing with? Dorota's in the house. I like how Lily siddled in on this shit.
Bye Baby Milo - you were the worst plot idea ever.
For a dirty hippie, Vanessa sure has a ton of clothes.
"It's a prayer rug"??? - as if Vanessa's mom would subscribe to any religion
Best ending line ever: "Trouble's moving in, and it's looking to make the Upper East Side its bitch. xoxo Gossip Girl."
Giorgio Armani in a delightful burnt sienna
Rival designer Valentino rocking the ginge face
Classic tan man George Hamilton loving life
Janice Dickinson looking scary for a number of reasons
Barf. Someone forgot his Ed Hardy sunglasses on in the sun
Gah!!!! Tara Reid. Enough said.
Stop the press! I just found out that Captain Georg von Trapp and governess Maria will be having a reunion on Oprah! Jezebel.com reports that on October 29 the cast will unite after 45 years. I only hope that shit face Rolf won't be attending.
I know I have a tendency to sometimes blur fantasy and reality, but there are some big time weirdos on the internet that have taken the whole Maria-Georg love affair into another stratosphere. See below for some uncomfortable montages:
This story was printed in Yahoo today:
LONDON (AFP) - The British owner of the firm that makes the Segway scooter died after riding one of the futuristic two-wheeled machines over a cliff and into a river, police said Monday.
The body of millionaire Jimi Heselden, 62, was discovered in the River Wharfe near his home in the town of Boston Spa in northern England on Sunday, said a spokeswoman for West Yorkshire Police.
"A Segway-style vehicle was recovered from the scene," the spokeswoman told AFP, adding that police were called to the scene after reports of a man "apparently having fallen from the cliffs above".
"The incident is not believed to be suspicious," she added.
Heselden led a British team which bought US-based Segway Inc. in December last year and now manufactures and distributes the distinctive self-balancing vehicles.
The Segway was introduced in 2002 amid great fanfare as a means of revolutionising urban transportation. They use gyroscopes, computers and electric motors to cruise to 12 miles per hour.
A former coal miner who left school at 15, Heselden made his fortune with the Hesco Bastion firm, which developed the "Hesco" blast walls that are widely used in Afghanistan and Iraq.
"It is with great sadness that we have to confirm that Jimi Heselden has died in a tragic accident near his home in West Yorkshire," Hesco Bastion said in a statement, without giving further details.
His death came a week after he became one of Britain's top philanthropists, giving 10 million pounds to a charity and taking his lifetime donations to 23 million pounds, it said.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Oh, I also love Team Andy Bernard, the two ivy league a capella singers. Here's a clip of the watermelon disaster:
you: ben from felicity. me: red tights with a where's waldo toque and neon green shorts and rainbow socks and a bright yellow tee shirt (i dressed like a stop light for a charity run). you: headphone-d and on a mission walking through queen's park. me: agog at your (stout) hotness. our eyes locked. then you looked away (quickly). why did you escape so quickly? where were you going? coffee date with felicity? confrontation with fat noel? avoiding the pink power ranger? where did you go my lovely?
"Teach: Tony Danza" is an A&E show, premiering Friday at 10 pm, where Danza co-instructs a 10th Grade English class at Northeast High School in Philadelphia. For real.
Why in God's name is Danza teaching high school? And why does he look like a shriveled up grape who's about to go on life support?
This is a real far cry from that hunky Tony Micelli we all hold dear to our hearts. Please don't tarnish our sweet memories of you vacuuming window drapes without a shirt on!
I can't want for pronunciation classes: "Angel-er", "Mon-er", "Samant-a", "Jona-tin"
Saturday, September 25, 2010
With fellow mumu-lover Whoopi Goldberg.
Um, judicial robes? Or maybe garbage bag?
About time for afternoon snack. That size XXXXXXXL leather jacket doesn't fill itself.
Peta's head must be exploding over this gem made of an entire mink colony. Are those velour pants? Hey, go comfortable or go home. (But I imagine it must be very sweaty in there).
A more casual look. He really loves those pants.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Fridays are awesome, but you still have to get through the work day. To make that task a little more pleasurable, please enjoy the vocal harmony of Prestige Worldwide's inaugural video, Boats 'n Hos, as featured in the movie Stepbrothers.
Season 5 of 30 Rock premiered tonight. My thoughts? Meh. It was pretty good, but not ha ha funny. I blame Tina Fey's skinniness. Seriously, her waist is the size of her head. Which is fine, whatever, BUT it makes all the Kathy-esque food jokes lame. I eat the food she eats on the show; consequently, I can only wear elasticized pants.
Oh, here's a picture of 30 Rock star Alec Baldwin with a dog riding a miniature horse. No filthy little pigs in this pic.
Thursday night television is back, with the season premieres of Community and 30 Rock airing tonight. (Although NBC better get its act together and start airing Parks & Rec). Community started off pretty strong - with a high quotient of Senor Chang, the (to quote wikipedia) "unbalanced Spanish instructor".
Someone has generously complied the best of "El Tigre" for your viewing pleasure:
As for Jeff Winger (Joel McHale) - why in God's name doesn't the hairdresser of Community cut off his weird mullety back part of his hair?
Taylor Momsen scares me! She looks like children of the corn + Marilyn Manson. Why would Madonna allow Lourdes to hang out with her? I feel very protective over Lourdes - I have been waiting years to find out if she becomes a Britney/Mischa/Lindsay-style teen fuck up or not. Where the hell is Rufus in all of this? I want him to bring his 100% wool cottage country sweater and wrap Little J. up and send her to reform school.
So, Joaquin says his crazy antics were all a hoax. I don't buy it. I just think he's an asshole and he was going crazy after being totally in love with Reese. Even if it was a ruse, he's still an asshole. It's like when I find out that reality TV is fake all the time. It makes me angry that I watched sub-par television. Which I suppose, is PARTIALLY my fault for watching reality TV.
If you care, here's the latest clip of Joaquin blabbing bullshit on Letterman:
Monday, September 20, 2010
"live" blogging gossip girl episode deux
WARNING: i like to freeball blog. you've been warned.
oh lils! b pushing s in the fountain warms the cockles of everyone's heart.
worst quote of the night (so far): "the life of serena van der woodsen is like the most complicated jane austen novel ever." don't besmirch jane austen, slut.
thumbs up - nate archibald is looking good with less bieber-bangs.
"life coach?" more like sex coach.
mother of the year: lily bass, obvs. don't bother flying to identify the body of your step-son, send your trampy harlot daughter in elton john's blazer.
chuck bass looking sexy in vest and cane - hot buster keaton alert!
chuck bass parles francais et assiste un vieux homme - je t'aime!
dan v. nate: duel of the pastel plaid shirts - who wins?
best exit line ever: "if you'll excuse me, i have a ball to attend".
dan v. nate duel ends in a draw - bros before hos (ie. serena).
rufus the geneticist!
I just read about this woman today. She's a muscle builder from Jordan who, despite all the death threats and ridiculing from her family and others in Jordan, decided to quite her UN job and become a body-builder.
For one, I think that's commendable and all that stuff about women doing what they want, but I don't equate body-building with woman's liberation. But maybe I'm missing the point.
Secondly, the body builder, Farah, said she wanted to pursue her sport to show arab girls that they can do whatever they want. While yes, that is true, I have a few issues with that. One: Farah comes from a privileged Jordanian family, meaning, she was given the luxury many other arab girls don't have to try whatever she wanted, thinking in a 'western' way. Two: Body-building is a sport that supports horrible eating habits and OCD training habits all for the sake of looking a certain way.
But, deep down inside, I still think it's pretty cool that an arab lady has shed her clothes to show curves and muscles.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
1. Mr. Darcy diving into the lake at Pemberly Estate. Why aren't his white underclothes see-through after he gets them wet?
2. The heart melting moment when you can TELL Mr. Darcy is completely in love with Elizabeth (somewhere around the 4.5-7 minute mark, but all 9 minutes are gems):
Friday, September 17, 2010
In a hat!
Concerned! Maybe there's a baby that needs to be saved!
Yikes! Pobody's Nerfect.
Although, he's pretty damn close.
Sad and gambling!
Hmm...looking a little too David Schwimmer-y...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Ugh, I cannot believe how many precious hours of my life were wasted watching this garbage. Actually, I can. I watch terrible TV, including my new find, Obese & Pregnant.
Here is a list of why this finale was the worst:
- Dave, who was a 'no means yes' type of guy on Gillian's season of the Bachelorette, won! And he was somewhat popular! He has total crazy eyes.
-Dumb-dumb Natalie also won!
-Wes (who was pure evil in Gillian's season) has turned into a likable guy. How did everyone forget his scheming ways so soon? AND - what was probably the worst thing all evening - they let him sing again. ANNNND the cast knew the words to his songs!!!
-Gia, who I used to like, turned out to be a Wes-loving moron
-Deep-V spandex onesies on Dave and Kovacs. Kiptyn kept it classy in a tux.
-Did you see the disconnect in colour between Krisily's orange face and her neck?
BUT, there were also some highlights:
-Dave planting a wet kiss on host Chris Harrison
-Not hearing Tenley squeal of happiness
-Crazy Michelle. Speaking of whom, here is a video in which Michelle made Tenley cry:
Sunday, September 12, 2010
In honour of the return of everyone's favourite attempted-child-rapist-turned-sweetheart, we have compiled some of the greatest Chuck Bass-isms:
"What we're entitled to is a house in the Hamptons. Maybe a prescription drug problem. But happiness does not seem to be on the menu so smoke up and seal the deal with Blair because you're also entitled to tap that ass."
"If you're referring to the fact I'm not in Thailand smoking hash with prostitutes, change is good."
"A little Thanksgiving proclamation. You two ever play grab-ass in my elevator again, and Serena will be staying at an airport Marriott. Happy holidays."
"Dude. I'm Chuck Bass. Even Europeans must know what that means."
"Poor Daniel...so little time, so many sluts to defend..."
"Do you really think I want to spend my weekend watching women with tramp stamps work out their daddy issues? It's for Nate."
"I'm Chuck Bass. And I told you I love you. You're saying I'm easier to win over than a bunch of pseudo-intellectual homesick malcontents. You really insult me like that? ... The next time you forget you're Blair Waldorf, remember I'm Chuck Bass. And I love you."
"Let me be more succinct. You held a certain fascination...when you were beautiful, delicate, and untouched. Now...now you're like the Arabian my father used to own. Rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore, and I can't see why anyone else would."
"[In reply to Blair's comment that NYU is hell] What do you expect from a place where men wear sandals?"
"I had to create a monster if I was going to dethrone a queen."
"I'm bored. And you've ruined my pants."
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Nadal is all guns. He says nuts to tradition by forgoing sleeves. But the wedgie-picking OCD thing is a bit of a turn off.
Federer, on the other hand, is pure class. He's been through the long hair faze of his life and grown into his current sexy 'do.
However, there is photographic evidence of his bad hair past:
Did some film festival stalking yesterday in Toronto. I *think* I saw Jon Hamm. That said, I also thought I saw Sarah Jessica Parker. After stalking SJP for the better part of an hour, she turned out to be a celebrity imposter. There are TONS of these weirdo attention-seekers flaunting their non-celebrity selves all over the city. The get totally dolled up with salon hair/fancy wigs, and wear crazy clothes to draw the eye's attention.
P.S. This photo is of a Meatloaf impersonator.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
I heard a rumour that James Franco was spotted near the Drake Hotel last night. I hope he was dressed in this dazzling number.
In other James Franco news, the actor reveals to The Advocate that he's not gay and that he's not a stoner.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Fedoras are the not-so-new but lingering head wear of choice for hipster douchebags worldwide. In the same vein as trucker hats, a-holes don fedoras in order to look cool. See also plaid shirts, Ray Bans, skinny jeans and scarves. The thing is, fedoras do often make people look hotter. Balding men often successfully wear fedoras as hair masks.
Urban Dictionary describes the "fedora douchebag threshold theorem" as follows:
I don't know about that theorem. Check out this pic of Jason Mraz and decide for yourself."The sociological rule that one person wearing a fedora in a larger group may be stylistically unique, but two or more people wearing a fedora in a larger group renders every person in that group a douchebag.
Check it out - another fedora. What a douchebag.
No, wait - if it was just that one dude it might be cool, but two of his bros are wearing them too. According to the Fedora Douchebag Threshold Theorem, all five of them are douchebags."
Saturday, September 4, 2010
WTF? Why are you so tight? After three weeks of chronic diarrhea in South East Asia you were supposed to be loose and billowy. I think I need to trade you in for a pair of jeggings, despite my disgust for the word jeggings. You brought this on yourself, pants.
This is a clip from the 1988 classic film, Mac and Me, a story about the friendship that blossomed between a young boy and an alien. The clip is actually not worth watching past the 30 second mark.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Yikes. And I thought this was mean:
Sorry, that's gross. I don't know why anyone would watch a maxi pad. I was trying to go for a gross pun about douches, but I couldn't make it work.
Anyhoo, Chris Harrison has waved his magic wand and brought together an ensemble of cast-offs from The Bachelor and The Bachelorette who are vying for a prize of $250,000. The only reason to watch this show is to watch horrible people humiliate themselves (see ep. 2 pie eating competition. "I'm pretty sure Tenley vomited into the pie and continued to eat"). This past episode the contestants had to reveal in front of everyone who they thought had the worst boob job. Also, seeing Chris Harrison play it low-key in casual wear is a bonus.
PS I love Joel McHale and why the F isn't The Soup on in Canada anymore?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Since its inception, Hollywood has been pairing relatively unattractive leading men with gorgeous women. A recent example occurred in Cyrus, which matched the hilarious, but facially-challenged John C. Reilly with Marissa Tomei. Normally this would irk me, but I'd get over it and suspend my disbelief. That is, until I saw the ad for Jack Goes Boating. First, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Second, Philip Seymour Hoffman with blonde dreads. Third, is it wrong of me to infer that he is mildly "special" in this film? Are viewers really supposed to believe that Jack could really land a date with Holly from The Office? I think we need to even things out with a rom-com starring Rachel Dratch as a down-on-her-luck janitor in a full body cast landing Javier Bardem, a sensitive, smart, and funny pediatrician.
Hot News Alert! David Rocco was spotted this afternoon (by me) in the Rogers boutique in Hazelton Lanes. The sexy Food Network host was potentially changing phone plans or perhaps upgrading to a new phone. I really couldn't tell. What he should change is his marital status to single, so we can go on a date.